Soft-Core Pornography
What you don’t want to come home one night to catch your father watching when your mother is out of town
During my Grade 11 Christmas break, my mother and sister went to Florida for two weeks with my grandparents, but because my exams ran late that year, I stayed home with my dad.
Despite our volatile relationship, we got along relatively well during those two weeks (we all thought they would come back to find two dead bodies, my father and I having killed each other.)
We dined out most nights since neither of us was a good cook and went to see a few movies together, including “A Few Good Men,” and “Hoffa.”
One night, I went out with friends, but drove separately because my father wanted his car home by midnight, especially when the city hadn’t yet cleaned the snow off the streets, the roads were icy, and it was as cold as the Arctic.
His car was kept parked outside at night because it had an engine heater that he plugged in so the car would start the morning after a night of frigid temperatures.
The car had a curfew because on such frigid nights, the engine needed to be plugged in so the car would start in the morning. But according to my dad, I was incapable of plugging it in properly (WTF?.) He was European, a very old-school disciplinarian and believed it wasn’t appropriate for women to perform specific tasks.
Upon entering the house, I could see the light in my parent's room was on and could hear he was watching something on television in French.
I thought nothing of it since his French was better than his English, and it wasn't uncommon for him to watch French television.
After peeling off all my winter gear, I went to his room to say “hi,” and “goodnight”. He asked about my night, and I filled him in on my boring night out for coffee with friends.
The television continued to play while we talked, but when I looked at the screen, I saw a topless woman.
"What are you watching?" I went over to check the television channel and started to laugh.
“It's some French movie I found. There was nothing else to watch. Why are you laughing?" He looked confused.
“Oh my God! Mom goes out of town, I go out for the night, and this is what I come to find you watching? I’m telling Mom!” I was laughing so hard I could barely speak. “You’re watching ‘Bleu Nuit’!”
“What the hell is ‘Bleu Nuit’?” He demanded.
“It’s essentially soft-core porn. You’re watching pornography!” I collapsed onto the bed, laughing so hard I was crying.
“Why in God’s name do you know about this show? You don't watch French television and shouldn't know about these things.” He lectured, his face turning red as he thought of his 'naive, innocent' daughter watching porn.
I laughed even harder, “I’m 17 and have male friends, Dad”.
“So you’ve watched these movies before?” he asked, his face tomato red from the humiliation of talking about porn with his firstborn.
“Sure. We watch Saturday nights when we stay home and hang out instead of going out," I declared casually, as his face turned almost purple. “I’m telling Mom I caught you watching porn the next time she calls!” I declared, rolling on the bed in hysterics at his discomfort.
My mother called the following morning.
I told her. We both laughed so hard we could barely breathe.
Author of “Inside My Chaotic Mind: A collection of poems about mental illness, relationships and God” and“Dysfunctional Me: A Collection of Poems About Trauma, Grieving and Loss.”
Associate Editor and Social Media Editor: WordSwell Online Literary Journal
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I like this anecdote. Any further aftermath with your father, either with you or your mother?