I've been told by people no one cares about my struggle with mental illness and to stop talking about my mental health problems because it brings everybody down.
These and similar comments about my mental illness were made to me by family members, friends, and some participants in my writing groups on MeetUp.
Many made it clear they didn’t care about my problems, and despite hurting my feelings and making me feel worse, I appreciate their courage to be truthfully honest; it can't be easy for them to broach such a heavy and emotional topic. I genuinely appreciate those who try to explain their feelings about hearing depressing pieces negatively affecting them without intentionally trying to hurt me.
Then, of course, are those who lie straight to my face, pretending they care about me, but for them, it's merely a socially accepted act. They want to appear they care without having to do anything to help me.
People Care Most At Designated Times
The only time people ‘act as if they sincerely care,’ is during “Mental Health Awareness Week,” which occurs during“Mental Health Awareness Month” every May, and on “World Mental Health Day” annually in October.
In 2010, Bell Canada, one of two phone, cable, and internet providers in Montreal, created “Bell, Let’s Talk,” which“...focused on engaging Canadians to take action to create positive change in mental health.”
It’s depressingly pathetic there needs to be a specific day, week, and month to raise mental health awareness, to encourage people not to be afraid to talk about it, educate the ignorant about it, and overall help to destigmatize it because, without these specific days, most people would remain ignorant and unaffected by mental illness. Maybe we need a Mental Health Awareness YEAR?!
What's even more pitiful is society still needs to continuously remind people to be kind and caring to others, mentally ill or not, because you never know what someone might be going through. But those who sincerely care about others don't need to be reminded annually by specifically assigned and labeled days.
Unfortunately, there are still too many people who have no interest in learning about mental illness unless they are personally affected by it. They prefer remaining ignorant and untouched as though learning about mental illness will make them mentally ill by somehow contaminating or infecting them.
Sadly, it’s 2024, and the stigma surrounding mental illness is as prevalent as ever, as more and more public figures are coming forward to tell people candidly about struggles with mental health issues.
Why Is My Mental Illness Different From Your Medical Condition?
Talking about my mental illnesses is no different than someone else talking about their struggle with cancer, arthritis, high blood pressure, diabetes, and broken bones - mental illness is no different from any other medical condition.
. But for some reason, it is different. Why is it okay for others to talk constantly about their physical medical problems and expect and receive compassion and understanding from others?
For example, often when I turned to people for help, their reactions ranged from disinterest to dismissal to outright telling me to stop being so negative and complaining. Yet, when I mention my mental health issues, the ignorant response of both the uneducated and the educated is I should stop complaining. A member of one of my writing groups told me to start writing more positive and happy poems and short stories because I bring down everybody and should have already gotten over the cause of my mental health problems, especially my depression.
So, you expect me to listen to your complaints, empathize and sympathize with your medical problems, and then offer you my support. Yet, you refuse to do the same for me when I complain about my mental illnesses.
I’m sorry, but that’s NOT how it works.
Why People Are Afraid Of Those Struggling With Mental Illnesses
People are afraid of what they don’t understand - one reason why so many avoid talking about mental illness and the mentally ill, as long as it doesn’t directly affect them. They know nothing about it, don’t understand it, and don’t want to understand it because it doesn't currently affect them in any way.
Mental illness is invisible, so people will only see the manifestation of their symptoms, affecting what you say and how you behave. It's these behaviors they will interpret what they see and use to judge you. Even some mentally ill people who learned to develop the necessary coping mechanisms for their disorders will judge and shame you for not educating yourself about mental illnesses as well as they have.
Anti Mental Health Shaming
Anti-shaming has become more of a prominent topic in recent years. Slut-shaming, body-shaming, and fat-shaming, for example, are not considered politically correct, and society now condemns such behavior. The anti-shaming movement has gained momentum over time, and people who shame others will end up getting shamed themselves.
Except when it comes to mental illness. The stigma surrounding mental illness still exists, and mental illness-shaming is common, even among professionals.
Doctors publicly shame those patients with mental illnesses; when I overdosed in 2018, I was in the Emergency Room and heard one of the doctors who helped save my life say to the other, “I fucking hate treating personality disorders.”
Why can’t we condemn mental illness shaming?
SU&Write
I belonged to several writing groups I found on MeetUp, and someone from one of the groups confided in me they were diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). For those of you who don’t know what DID is, it’s the psychiatric label that replaced “Multiple Personality Disorder.”
Out of nowhere, I received three emails from them, all saying the same thing - they connected with old friends and didn’t have time for more friends.
I responded politely to the first, less politely to the second, and even less politely to the third. One email was sufficient; I didn’t need to receive three disrespectfully-worded rejection emails from the same person, repeatedly saying they wanted nothing to do with me.
They knew about my struggles with mental illnesses but didn’t care about how their emails might affect me. I'm not sure they even realized they sent me three increasingly insulting emails, each saying the same thing. No one gave a fuck if I was depressed or struggling; they sent the emails with no consideration as to how I would react to them. But to be honest, I've learned how people are fake as fuck, a 'quality' I hate. I also hate when people pretend to be nice to your face but talk shit about you behind your back. No one gave a fuck if I was depressed or struggling.
Even my closest friends sometimes don’t care if or with what I struggle with. For example, instead of trying to understand why I behave a certain way, most would rather accuse me of being passive-aggressive.
But I’m a people pleaser and can’t outright tell them they did something that upset me. So, I stay hurt by what they initially did and am even more hurt they don’t care how their insulting accusations affected me.
I Can’t Win
If I express my feelings, I’m insecure, annoying, paranoid, crazy, or wrong. Insult me all you want, but don’t invalidate my feelings.
If I stand up for myself, people question my audacity and tell me I’m wrong.
When I need reassurance, some people care about me and will connect, but even my best friends ignore my texts and messages. I know that.
I’m sorry; I hate knowing I’m annoying the people I love, but unfortunately, the constant need for reassurance is one of my Borderline Personality Disorder symptoms. Currently, the sole individual in my life who reassures me is my therapist, who provides that reassurance but only for a mere hour a week.
Takeaway
There shouldn’t need to be a specific day, week, or month for people to raise mental health awareness and learn about mental illness and to remind people who struggle with mental illness that they care about them and love them.
If people would only try to understand your symptoms, triggers, and how to react appropriately, they would see a completely different side of you.
But currently, all they want is for you to shut up and stop talking about your mental illnesses.
“In a world where you can be anything, be kind.”
~Caroline Flack
https://www.alignable.com/cote-saint-luc-qc/remarkable-writing
Author of “Inside My Chaotic Mind: A collection of poems about mental illness, relationships and God” and“Dysfunctional Me: A Collection of Poems About Trauma, Grieving and Loss.”
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5/6/2024
Break The Silence (article) and “Death’s In The Family”(audio short story; transcript included)